sageguidance | brandishes a knife

[No lost elf fingies on the chopping block today...

He sure does have people he speaks of in the same way Alphinaud speaks of this particular person, though, so he nods in understanding.]

They sound like an impressive person... [Impressive people usually do have to carry burdens.] You sound lucky to have them - and they sound lucky to have you, and your other companions. Not just anyone can stand up to a task like that, even if it's a duty.

[(samurai voice) Seppuku isn't great actually.]

Impressive barely covers it, I would say.

[ Chop, chop, chop. ]

They are truly...

[ He trails off. ]

Truly—

[ He stops again. ]

Erm...

[ He isn't sure why he suddenly feels the need to cry but now he is?! ]

[THE ONIONS...

OR THE DEPRESSIONS!!!!

Either way, at the silence, Souji looks over and is of course startled to see tears happening over there?! He doesn't even stop to think about the onion-chopping, moving on reflex to go pick up a clean kitchen cloth so he can hold it out to poor sweet Alphinaud.]

Oh—! Alphinaud-san... Here, please take this.

[Cry it all out buddy, cry it all out.]

[ HE PRESSES THAT AGAINST HIS FACE SO FAST ]

Gods— Apologies. My eyes suddenly seem to—burn?

[A PAUSE AND A BEAT OF SILENCE as he realizes that he did indeed forget to warn this poor dude who has never chopped vegetables before that onions are satan.]

Oh, dear... Here, here - come away from that. [MOTIONING HIM FROM THE ONION.] Let me see your face.

[ He pulls the towel away but his eyes are soooo watery... nor can he keep them open ]

What happened?

[ WHY IS PAIN ]

[SWEET ALPHINAUD YOUR EYEBALLS... Souji will move over to the sink so he can wet a fresh washcloth with cool water, wringing it out before placing it into Alphinaud's hand.]

Place this over your eyes and keep them closed. Tilt your head upward for a bit... It won't last for long! I forgot to warn you that onions can make you cry.

What?

[ He complies, pressing the towel against his face, but he sounds completely bewildered. ]

How does a vegetable make you cry?

...You know, I'm not actually sure? [DOES HE LOOK LIKE A SCIENCE GUY. He reaches out to gently pat sweet Alphinaud's shoulders.] But chopping them certainly does.

Eurgh...

[ his eyes :'( ]

... Then I hope I've prepared a sufficient amount. I do not believe I can go any further with them...

[HIS EYEBALLS!!! Souji gives his shoulders a last pat, laughing sheepishly...]

Yes, yes! It's more than enough! ...And if it isn't, then I can cover for the rest. [He's done so much cooking that onions no longer affect him. His eyes never skip leg day.] Thank you for the help, Al-kun.

O- of course. Give me but a moment...

... The other vegetables will not do the same, yes? Or if there is aught else I may assist with...

Take your time! The other vegetables won't do the same thing, yes - it's only onions, really. And peppers, of course, but that's a bit different.

[He would remember to warn Alphinaud not to touch his eyes after handling peppers...]

[ that's a shame ]

Peppers, I know, are at the very least spicy.

[ while he's rubbing at his eyes ]

[HELP]

Mm - some are so spicy that even touching just a single seed and wiping at your eye afterward can make it turn red and water.

[ALPHINAUD YOUR DELICATE EYEBALLS.]

[ THEY'RE NORMAL NOT DELICATE ]

How anyone can stand eating such things in the first place, I do not know.

[He continues to be the normal elf.]

Peppers? Oh, my... Are you not a fan of spicy foods?

Erm...

No, I do not do well with spicy.

[Sweet delicate Alphinaud's cat tongue...]

I suppose it's not for everyone. Well! Good to know; I'll be sure to warn you if I ever make anything with spice.

brandishes a knife

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