sageguidance | brandishes a knife

[WHY IS THIS WHAT'S ON HIS MIND.

Souji's hand pauses for a second, mid- measuring something out. It's just a barely-there blip, though. His smile falters for an even smaller and less significant slice of time.

There is a part of him that very nearly takes the out given and decides not to answer, but that would feel foolish after giving him the space to open up and talk. Souji doesn't like lying, either, as much of it as he does in different ways.]

...I wish that I could say I wouldn't, but I can't make such a claim honestly. I would much rather give my own life for the safety of those I hold dear, but if necessary, I would kill to ensure their safety.

[He has before, and he surely would again.]

In that sense, perhaps it's better that things worked out the way they did.

[ He listens, then nods once, small and gently. ]

It is terrible of me to think, but... a small part of me regrets that I had not. If I had to die at all, she at least deserves to live, instead of...

[ Well. Dying, too, simply because he failed. ]

[Sometimes you just become a murderer because there are simply no better options! Life out there is rough...

At the very least, there's no judgment from Souji, considering there isn't any "small part" of him that regrets not being able to secure Kondo's life through any means necessary. If someone was like "hey! If I revive you right this moment will you kill someone to ensure Kondo's safety?" he'd be like "POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND I WILL STAB".]

It feels like it's a normal thing to think rather than terrible, though I understand where you're coming from... Still - if we weren't the sort of people who would do anything we could for those we love, I don't think we would be here in the first place.

[THEIR COERCED CONTRACT SIGNING... Anyway he's not a vengeance lad in any way, but he also can't help but point out:]

If anything, I think you are particularly entitled to such feelings, given you were used by someone else in order for them to protect their own precious person.

... Yes, I will not deny my bitterness regarding that.

[ Mixing, mixing, baking goes here, etc. Alphinaud works a little distractedly, but so far so good. ]

Ere that night, I had not once spoken with my pursuer—I knew his name, and only little more. Mayhap he were compelled into it, just as Sieghart and Clementine were, yet I still cannot help but wonder why. Why, out of everyone, were I to face misfortune that night?

[So far so good...

Souji, after a beat, reaches out to gently and lightly place a hand on Alphinaud's shoulder. He's a tactile person and he tends to convey his emotions best through little gestures like this - a little show of understanding and empathy, a little reminder that he isn't alone if nothing else.]

To be honest, I don't know if having an answer to a question like that would make the reality easier to bear.

[It's something he's considered on many occasions before, over a different shade of misfortune. He's asked himself why on many occasions, but does he really want the answer?]

...Would it bring you any ease to know that he was compelled?

[ He has to think about that one, then: ]

I don't know.

When it is not your own death you face, 'tis easy to forgive what they have done—to think it truly was not their fault. But I have failed to consider how the victim in it may feel, as well.

[ And when you're stuck in purgatory like this, there isn't much to do besides think about it a lot. ]

I suppose, however, it would be preferable over discovering I have wronged another.

[Alphinaud's got a lot going on in his little elf noggin...]

Mm... Sure enough, it's much easier to offer that forgiveness when you're at a bit of a distance. It's a terrible situation for everyone involved - those who are spurred into taking a life in a way that they can't control, and those who die for it and have no proper and true outlet for any unpleasant things they may be feeling.

[It's hard to be properly in your Very Valid Anger when your killer was possessed, after all... Or so he figures.]

You've been nothing but wonderful, so I'm sure that it wasn't anything personal. It's easier for most people to harm strangers, so on the off chance that it wasn't the shadows, it was likely just poor fortune.

[Whether or not that's actually any reassurance, though...]

I wonder...

[ He mutters, then trails off. But Alphinaud is quick to shake his head, after. ]

I suppose that is true—if one must choose 'twixt a friend or stranger, then the answer is obvious. While there will never be a clear answer, how I feel from here on is something only I can figure out.

[There's a little bit of a pause, before he shifts his hand away again so he can continue to get the baking tray ready.]

That much is certainly true. I hope that you can settle on something that isn't too heavy a weight to carry, Alphinaud-san.

[Even if these things are often such heavy burdens - any matter related to death tends to be, regardless of the shape it takes.]

And please know that even if this is a journey you must make on your own, you shouldn't have to feel lonely on your way.

... Thank you, Souji. You are right—if naught else, I need only remember that we are all in this together, no matter what transpires.

Mm, that's the case.

[Even if they all DIE HORRIBLY, vored by some unknown creature, they're all in this together...!]

Though I know it isn't always the greatest of comforts, I find it helps at least a little.

brandishes a knife

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject